How To Brave A Breakup
Sit down and buckle your seat belts boys and girls because I am coming at you like a freight train. As you may have heard, read, or seen, I am licking my battle wounds post email breakup.
It's been a rough two days but the emails I have received from you guys have reminded me something: IT'S OK! Wallowing isn't fun. Feeling sorry for yourself is a dead end. SO enough boo hoos for now, you all lit a fire under my ass and reminded me that I am "Kelly F*cking Roberts" (your words, not mine though ironically that is what I wrote on my college graduation cap [don't mind the white out: censored my phone number.] ) and though it's OK to feel sad it's also OK to find joy.
SO here's my advice on HOW TO BRAVE A BREAKUP:
1. Don't Eat Your Feelings! DON'T DO IT! My co-workers keep bringing me gummy snacks and goldfish. GIVE THEM AWAY. Don't even make eye contact. Tell them thank you but you are trying not to self deprecate and eat poorly. Because that is how you feel even worse than you already do. Don't make brownies, don't eat cookie dough. Don't eat an entire bag of gummy bears. Find someone to share them with. Sharing is caring. Eating your feelings isn't the answer. Treat yourself but don't binge! Have a fancy restaurant you've always wanted to try? GO THERE! Don't sit on your couch in your gross sweats you haven't washed in a decade eating all the Doritos you can find. You will never be able to eat the pain away. Trust me, it's how I gained 50 pounds.
2. DON'T DRINK YOUR FEELINGS! Don't you dare! You want to drink an entire bottle of wine, drink half of it and share the other. (And get good wine. TREAT YO' SELF!) Want to know what tastes worse than heartbreak? REGRET! AND HANGOVERS! Don't you dare go to bed with what you think is a 10 and wake up next to a 2. DON'T YOU DO IT! YOU ARE STRONG BUT NOT INVINCIBLE AND GETTING SLOPPY ISN'T THE ANSWER! IT'S NEVER THE ANSWER!
3. Don't lock yourself in your bedroom listening to Taylor Swift songs. I know Taylor gets you! But Taylor Swift is best listened to with your friends! And friends don't let friends feel sorry for themselves! GO OUTSIDE! Dwelling is taking steps back. Is it all you can talk about? Take a conscious effort to bring it up once an hour. Your friends want to be there for you, but you also have to be there for yourself.
4. Stop Thinking You Are Not Good Enough. Remember this scene in Legally Blonde? When she walks out of the party to that bad ass song, buys books and a laptop and just bitch slaps Harvard Law in the face? GO BITCH SLAP HARVARD LAW IN THE FACE! (Metaphorically.) YOU ARE ALREADY THE BEST YOU POSSIBLE! I will say to you, and to myself, what I say to all my friends: look in the mirror and see what we see. A truly incredible, bad ass, radiant human who is doing a disservice to the world by believing you aren't enough. DARE TO BE BOLD! DARE TO BE HONEST! I think one of the reasons this break up happened is because I reach for the stars and I can be a tiny bit intimidating. Am I going to dull my light? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Who are you NOT to be magnificent? WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE BRILLIANT! Know your power and radiate. So stop with the "I'm not good enough." It's bullshit. In the words of Rhianna, "Shine bright like a diamond."
5. GO HAVE FUN! Remember Eat, Pray, Love? There's this amazing Ted Talk the author of Eat, Pray, Love Elizabeth Gilbert gave called "Your Elusive Creative Genius" I want you to watch it. Just click those blue words right now and I will wait here. Or fine do it later, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. The talk is mostly about writing and the creative spirit but it can also be paralleled to a breakup, where you feel hopeless. And the only way forward is to DO SOMETHING HUGE! Go do something daring, or exciting, go on an adventure, try something new. Book a flight, get a new hobby. Go buy incredible seats to a sporting event or go to the ballet. GO BE ACTIVE! I started running because I got rejected and my heart broken. LOOK AT ME NOW! My heart is broken (again) but I am training for the NYC Marathon! These hard times become a part of you. It becomes a scar and a story that makes you, you. SO TODAY IS THE DAY! GO DO SOMETHING YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD, OR COULD, DO. Use this as an excuse to do something incredible.
6. It's Ok to be alone. Guess what. You are going to be OK. Stop thinking about what you did wrong. Stop checking your ex's instagram, twitter, facebook, linkedin, and social media outlets. CUT COLD TURKEY. Block everything. No contact. Don't talk to their family and don't talk to their friends. Put the pictures and things that remind you of them away. You will want them someday, just not right now.
7. Remember why you are awesome. NO. I'm SERIOUS! Go get a pen and paper RIGHT NOW. Or open up notepad on your phone. I want you to write down 10 reasons why you are an incredible, amazing, beautiful, and a bad ass. This is serious business. Put it up on your mirror and remind yourself every time you feel yourself sink into the rabbit hole. We don't celebrate ourselves enough because it's "vain" or "narcissistic." BUT NO! It's not vain it's the truth! So here's your chance to celebrate yourself. And to celebrate the people around you. Send a text, email, or actually call the people you love and tell them 5-10 reasons why they are so awesome and unique. Just do it. RIGHT NOW!
8. Know that are worthy of love. I know. It didn't work out. It feels like you will be alone forever. You feel like you are going to be a crazy cat lady. You have to believe that you are worthy of spectacular love. It may not feel like it now. You know what saying I despise with every fiber of my being? "You can't go looking for love. Love finds you when you least expect it." SCREW THAT. Go find love. Take life by the horns and date. You have to kiss some hundred (in some of our cases thousands) of frogs before you find your missing puzzle piece. And there is no such thing as a "FAILED RELATIONSHIP." Just be open to new experiences. Know that it may not work out. You will never fall in love if you don't commit yourself to run the risk of betrayal or the risk of failure. You have to love with your whole heart with lack of guarantee. So give yourself some time, and when your ready get back out there. BE VULNERABLE!
9. Stop living on a timeline. Are you the only lady or guy in your group of friends who isn't married? Is everyone breathing down your neck, worried you will never find the one?! Well take a chill pill and stop stressing! Want to know the secret to a long and happy marriage? THERE ISN'T ONE! But I can tell you that making sure you are able to grow, change, and support your significant other is key and only time will tell if you both are up for the task. A committed relationship is hard work. It's a leap of faith and you can't live on a timeline. Who cares about "the average age people get married." Take your time. Enjoy your life. Tell your Mom or Dad to back off. Tell your sisters, brothers, or friends to stop worrying. If you want to get married, the only way you'll find someone one is to actively look for them. Don't let anyone get into your head. Listen to what your head, heart, and gut tell you and take a leap of faith.
10. Tomorrow Will Come. I know, it hurts. I'm hurting too. But tomorrow will come, and then tomorrow will come. Life's not going to wait for you. You can either get on the train now or sit in the station alone. Either way, another train will come. I recommend you just get on now. You'll feel better eventually. Who knows what the future holds. But you won't get to there by sitting on the sidelines.
SO NO MORE FEELING SORRY FOR OURSELVES! When that wave of sadness washes up, just wait, it will pass. Life's messy, lean into the discomfort. Life's tough, get a helmet. Thanks for snapping me out my little self deprecating fit friends. Your emails and messages are much appreciated. TO THE WEEKEND! (And I have incredible seats to the Yankee's game tonight. I will be enjoying cotton candy while flirting with baseball players because WHY THE HELL NOT!)