The 9 Stages Of Race Jealousy
Worst case scenario:
You get in to a coveted race like the Boston Marathon or the NYC Half Marathon. You entered the lottery and your name was drawn or maybe even QUALIFIED with an incredible time. You spend months training and then BOOM injury. You're sidelined for 3 months and can't run the race.
Second worst case scenario:
You enter a race lottery year after year and still don't get in. You stomp your feet, write about how angry you are that everyone in the City except you had their names drawn, and you suck it up to train with your friends who got in because what else are you going to do.
Third worst case scenario:
You don't run. You hate running. You don't understand why your best friend, man friend, lady friend, mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, co-worker, (insert relationship here) runs but you make a sign and get dragged on race day to support them. You watch all these people of all different shapes, sizes, and ages look like they are defying gravity. You think for a split second...I want to do this. But alas! You have to wait an entire year for this one race to come.
Race envy is a serious issue and I will freely admit that I am GREEN WITH F*CKING ENVY that everyone in the tri-state area get's to run the NYC Half except for me. Woah. Sorry. I don't know where that came from, I'm totally fine with sitting this one out! NOT! NO I'M NOT! Woah! There it is again! I want to apologize it seems my race jealousy monster is not grinning and bearing it today. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: The 9 Stages of Race Jealousy:
1. Shock and Confusion
"It's not possible! Maybe my credit card on file is expired! There had to be some kind of mistake!"
2. Pleading and Pleading and Pleading
You're tweeting the race organizer and anyone who can help. "ANYONE! ANYONE! HELP ME!"
3. The Irrational Social Media Rant
"WHATEVER I DON'T WANT TO PAY $200 TO RUN THE SAME ROUTE I RUN EVERY WEEKEND ANYWAY!"
"I WILL RUIN YOU."
"Why me? Every year this happens. Every year."
5. Having To Deal With Everyone Asking You, "DID YOU GET IN?!?! I GOT IN!!!!"
And this one doesn't end after the race is over. Oh no, friends and co-workers will continue to ask, "Hey did you run (insert race here) last weekend? How'd it go."
6. Listening to Friends Planning Their Post Race Brunch
"We get it! You're running a race!"
7. Watching The Race Day Countdown (Thanks NYRR I had no idea we were 3 days away. Good thing you email me every day to remind me I didn't get in.)
#SorryNotSorry but unfollowing you until the race is over.
8. Making A Sign Because The Least You Can Do Is Support.
(The silver lining to any race day. Making funny signs.)
9. Have Fun Spectating
If you can't beat em, join em' right? So you're not running the race, there will be more! But every runner knows that spectators make the biggest difference so gather a group and have fun cheering.
Unfortunately there's no cure for race jealousy. There are a couple medications that aren't FDA approved yet but we have a long way to go until we find a cure. Until then keep making those funny signs and support your people because there will always be more races. (And you probably saved $200 by not getting in so go buy yourself something nice.)
Until next time, #RunSelfieRepeat.