From Justin to Kelly: Week 3
Co-workers and partners in crime. It's time for week 3 of Justin's mission to put his strongest foot forward.
I'm going to be completely honest. I kind of fell of the wagon yesterday and cheated. I have been doing so well and I let my progress get the best of me. Here's how it started…
Wednesday night I went to an “80’s Prom Party” at my second job New World Stages to promote and celebrate one of our Off Broadway productions “Heathers the Musical.” (Side note: If you are in NYC go see this show. It’s hilarious.)
While I was looking for 80’s clothes I started opening boxes of my old clothes that I hadn’t been able to wear for over a year because of my weight. I don't know why I kept them but I did. I tried on some old jeans and they fit! Not only did they fit, I had to belt them because the waist was too big! Then I put on a shirt I hadn't worn in forever because I felt like it brought attention to my gut and it looked good! Being able to fit into your old clothes is an incredibly rewarding feeling. It was like that scene in Rocky when “Eye of the Tiger” is playing and he’s at the top of the stairs. I felt like I was the hottest guy at the prom. Sure I still have more weight to lose but I felt great.
Every Thursday at our work, XO Group Inc., we have a little office cocktail party called “Thirsty Thursday” that I plan and facilitate. It was an Italian/World Cup theme and while I was setting the food up, I realized I forgot to bring my dinner. So I started snacking. I thought "I’ll only have a little" which then turned into a lot. I had a bowl of white rice and red beans, too much prosciutto and cheese and chips and salsa. I let my progress get the best of me. It’s hard to maintain the strict 'eat this, not that' mentality now that I have lost so much weight. I find myself rationalizing with myself, “Well you ran this morning and you are going to yoga later. And you had a really active day at work. I can have this.” I felt really sick afterwards. I’ve been eating such specific portions and foods that I think my stomach had a hard time handling the binging.
Afterwards I told my friend Nate who plans my diet and exercising each week and he was disappointed. The disappointment stung. I knew I let myself go and I really didn’t want a lecture. I was already giving myself one, I didn’t want one from my biggest supporter. When I let someone down it really sticks with me. So today I'm started again. No. More. Snacking. Kelly is going to keep me accountable at work and I'm going to go to her every time I feel like snacking and Nate told me to call him next time before I eat mindlessly. I know what you’re thinking, "What's the big deal?" “You’re being too hard on yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day.” To me it is a "big deal." Three weeks doesn’t seem like a long time but it’s been a major life change and it’s hard to not be able to just eat like everyone around me. It would crush me if I gained the weight back so quickly. My health is my top priority right now and I have to hold myself accountable until mentally and physically I am the healthiest me possible. I can't fail I have too much at stake. That being said if any of my coworkers are reading this, you now have permission to talk me out of snacking. Don't tell me "a little of that is okay" or "oh it's only one". I need your help and support.
Despite my cheat day, my hard work is really paying off. Can you believe it’s already been 3 weeks since I started? And in those 3 weeks I have lost 18 pounds! I didn’t realize how much that was but the other day the guy Kelly is dating sent her a 5 lb gummy bear at work. (I don’t know if you know this but Kelly is a gummy bear addict.) It’s literally as big as my face. When I was holding it I thought holy cow, I’ve lost 3 of these! 5 pounds is really heavy! We throw these numbers around “I want to lose 5 pounds” or “I want to lose 10 pounds” but I never really understood what 5 pounds felt like. It’s incredible. I’m really proud of myself and I am really grateful to my friend Nate for getting me started and taking the time to guide me through it. I’ve been talking about losing weight for a really long time, I feel so empowered now that I am finally making it happen. I have a ways to go, but I have a really good support team and it’s a great feeling to look in the mirror and feel proud of the changes I see. Thank you for following my journey. Next week is the 1 month mark! I will check back in then. Have a great weekend.