Closing The Chapter On Doubt

Tough weeks, speed bumps, and mental tennis matches are inevitable when you're chasing a goal. Training to run a Boston Marathon qualifying marathon time (BQ) during this October's Chicago Marathon has been anything but easy. I've had my fair share of ups and downs over the past five months. I feel like a broken record when I say this, but I really didn't expect the mental game of pushing myself through a never ending stream of doubt and pain (which we will now refer to as the boogyman, thank you Dad). 

For the past two weeks I've been in Southern California and whenever someone asked me if I thought I was going to BQ, I would tell them no. I'm not being modest, I tell them that I know I'm going to run a really strong PR during Chicago, I just don't think that I'll run the 3 hours and 32 minute finishing time BQ'ing requires.  

Here's the thing, my BQ qualifying time is actually 3 hours and 35 minutes but the way the Boston marathon works, the faster you run, the higher your likelihood is of actually acquiring a coveted spot in the race. That's why my goal time is  3:32, it's a safer bet to get into the race. I've been telling people that I think I'll run a 3:40 and it's a slap in the face. Why not just go for 3:35? 3:40, though RIDICULOUSLY FAST AND INTIMIDATING, is a cop out. That's me giving myself an out so that should race day come and should I stop myself from going for it, I have an excuse. I can finish and say, I'm proud of myself but I knew this was going to happen.

No more. I need to stop giving myself outs. I need to stop committing half way to a goal and then hoping it just magically happens. From this point forward, the positive self talk is happening in full force. It doesn't matter whether I realistically think I can or cannot run a BQ, I need to start believing that it's possible. I'm doing the work, I'm going 100%, why wouldn't it be possible? I'm sabotaging myself when I say that it's not going to happen so I'm making the decision not to play that game anymore.

Do I think I'm going to run my BQ during Chicago this year? Hell yeah I do. Watch me.

There's only 32 days until race day and it's easy to get caught up in the fear that there's not enough time. I have to focus on what I can control and that's only the workout at hand. I can control how I fuel my body, what I say about my strength and capabilities, and what I give during my runs. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to continue to do everything I can to make my goal a reality.

Impossible is only impossible if you don't fight and believe in yourself. I've been fighting, now I'm ready to win. GAME ON CHICAGO, I'M COMING FOR YOU.