I Was Healthier BEFORE I Joined Weight Watchers. Now, I Deleted My WW Account And I'm Running A Marathon

I have never been considered overweight. By doctors, by friends, by peers, no one. In high school, I was on an extremely demanding competitive cheerleading team with 3-4 hour practices 4 times a week. I was physically the strongest and smallest I have been in my young adult life. With the amount of rigorous activity I was doing, I could essentially eat anything I wanted and have no fluctuation in weight. I had never been on a diet and had a neutral relationship with my body in the way that I did not hate nor love it; I just existed in it and did not think about it. It wasn't until I came home for Thanksgiving after entering my freshman year of college that a family member commented that "my face had gotten rounder". I immediately perceived that being even the tiniest increment larger was a bad thing and signed up for Weight Watchers.

I was a Weight Watchers member throughout college on and off and I personally think it influenced me to disordered eating. I looked “amazing” at times but was forcing my body to be a smaller size than it was comfortable at.

I started fearing mayonnaise on sandwiches. I eliminated cheese, rice, and guacamole from my Chipotle order, because ONE chicken bowl exceeded my daily points. I remember being out of points one day and eating endless amounts of sugar free apple sauce and drinking tea, willing my stomach to stop growling. After a year or two, I got tired. Tired of tracking. Tired of picking my body apart. Just tired. Eventually, I began tracking calories on My Fitness Pal to see that my 23 allotted daily points usually ended somewhere between 1100-1400 calories. I was, without really knowing it, starving myself.

To be honest, I'm still working through the fact that I can eat 2000 calories. Or that I can eat whatever I feel like. Like it's insane how WW rewired my brain.

After following body positive accounts on Instagram that showed real, untouched photos, I finally decided to delete my WW account. I became so fed up with diet culture and a "wellness" industry making me hate food when I had a pretty solid relationship with food before joining.

At $20 a month for 4 years, Weight Watchers took almost $1000, money I could have spent on a trip, given to charity, or literally anything else.

I am training for my first marathon and focusing on fueling my body. I am constantly unlearning to fear food, unlearning very obsessive eating habits like counting, and trying to rebuild my relationship with food and my body.

Here I am having completed my 10th half marathon, because I'm a badass. It turns out NOT ONE HUMAN cares if I weigh 150, 152, 155, or 159 pounds besides myself. Not one human. And if they do, I think it’s a result of a multimillion dollar industry that has engrained in us that we do not deserve to take up space. We do.